Ugenia Lavender Read online

  ‘Who threw that?’ barked Mrs Flitt.

  ‘The new girl did,’ piped up Lara triumphantly.

  ‘Yeah, but, no, but I . . . I,’ stammered Ugenia.

  ‘Yes, she did, I saw her,’ said Anoushka.

  ‘So did I,’ said Liberty.

  ‘INJUSTICE!’ shouted Ugenia.

  ‘That’s enough – don’t raise your voice in my class, young lady,’ snapped Mrs Flitt. ‘Time out for you. Go and stand in the corridor.’

  Double injustice, thought Ugenia as she walked out of the room to an array of giggles.

  Ugenia stood in the corridor and stared at a boy opposite who had also been sent out, for sticking gum in a girl’s hair.

  ‘All right, what you done?’ said the boy, who was known as Crazy Trevor and was slightly chunky with a gruff voice.

  ‘Nothing, I’m innocent,’ said Ugenia. ‘Er, yeah, me too,’ laughed Crazy Trevor.

  Ugenia stood outside the class, fuming that things were going from bad to worse, and it was all because of that horrid Lara Slater. But eventually, Ugenia and Crazy Trevor were allowed back into class after a stern talking-to from Mrs Flitt. The teacher reminded everyone that they needed to be working on their ideas for the jumble-sale fete, which would take place in the school gym this Saturday.

  After school Ugenia walked home through the rain and wind, which howled with rage as if it knew what Ugenia was feeling.

  ‘Oh, I haven’t got anyone to fund-raise with and Lara Slater is making sure it stays that way. What am I going to do?’ sighed Ugenia. ‘Maybe I should ask my dad? After all, he is a professor and he is very clever and he knows pretty much everything.’

  Ugenia jumped on her red bike and sped down Boxmore Hill, past the twenty-four-hour, bargain-budget, bulk-buyers’ supersized supermarket and into the town centre. She went straight to the Dinosaur Museum, where her dad worked. It was an old grey building with two stone gargoyles peering down from the roof.

  Ugenia wandered through the large, stone building, under the huge diplodocus skeleton, past a stegosaurus horn, down the stairs and along a dusty, dark corridor.

  She tiptoed quietly past three men in white coats wearing their do-not-disturb frowns as they peered down at a tiny piece of what looked like dinosaur poo. Ugenia knocked on her father’s door, which said:

  ‘Enter!’ called Professor Lavender. ‘Ah, Ugenia! Is it about that Tyrannosaurus rex tooth I was discussing?’

  ‘Er no, actually it’s bigger than that,’ said Ugenia, who then told her dad about being bullied by Lara for being the new girl and how it was quite difficult to stand up to her and her two horrid friends.

  Professor Lavender knotted his eyebrows together as if they were in deep conversation. ‘Hmm, now let me see. Firstly, Lara and her friends sound like a gang of velociraptors. These dinosaurs travel in packs and surround their prey.’

  ‘Great, Dad, but what am I going to do? Apparently the only reason why she is picking on me is because she used to be the new girl and doesn’t like it now that I am!’ cried Ugenia. ‘And I don’t even want to be!’

  ‘Aha, I see your dilemma . . . it’s a bit like the rivalry between the Egyptian queens Cleratoti and Nefranunu, who were arch-enemies. Nefranunu felt threatened when Cleratoti came into favour with King Tata, so she did everything within her power among her followers to make everyone hate Cleratoti.

  ‘But Cleratoti was far too smart for Nefranunu. She made sure she stood firm and radiated her own power. She recruited people to join her, and held off any competition from her rival,’ said Professor Lavender, pulling out a book with a large picture of Cleratoti on it, who had black hair and a large headdress and beautiful slanting eyes.

  ‘Ooh, she sounds so cool,’ said Ugenia, staring at the powerful Egyptian queen. ‘If only I could be like her.’

  Then, suddenly, like a thunderbolt of lightning, Ugenia had a brainwave . . .

  ‘Ingenious!’ cried Ugenia ‘RECRUITMENT! All I need to do is recruit my own tribe to stop Lara Slater being so mean to me! Thanks, Dad.’

  ‘You’re welcome. Now, would you like to see that T-rex tooth?’

  But Ugenia was already halfway down the corridor.

  Before Professor Lavender could say another word on the matter, Ugenia was pedalling determinedly back up Boxmore Hill. As the rain lashed against her face, Ugenia decided she was going to build her own tribe and show Lara Slater exactly what she was made of, regardless of the weather. Nothing was going to stop her.

  The next day at lunch, Ugenia sat down with Rudy. Then Bronte, the mushy-pea girl with glasses, walked passed with her lunch tray.

  ‘Bronte, come and sit with me and Rudy,’ smiled Ugenia.

  Then Crazy Trevor, with the chunky gruff voice, who she had met in the corridor, plonked himself next to Ugenia, ‘Ooh, can I have some of that?’ he said, reaching for some of her jam roly-poly before she’d even said yes.

  ‘I’m glad you’re all here . . . I have a mission impossible,’ announced Ugenia. ‘It needs loyalty and dedication and I think you’re the best people for the job. I want us to show what we’re really made of at the jumble-sale fete for the blind, disabled dogs – together. Like it?’

  ‘Fabulous!’ said Rudy.

  ‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Crazy Trevor.

  ‘I can make a vision board!’ shrieked Rudy excitedly.

  ‘What’s a vision board?’ asked Ugenia.

  ‘Meet me round my house after school and I’ll show you!’

  And so, after school, Ugenia hopped on her red bike and cycled over to Rudy’s house. Rudy lived two streets away on Leavesden Road, where all the houses were stuffed together like cheese and pickle sandwiches. His home was right on the corner above his dad’s shop, Patel’s Food Store, except it didn’t only sell food, it sold newspapers, Sellotape and weird things like pliers.

  Five minutes later Crazy Trevor and Bronte appeared, and Rudy’s mum offered everyone a glass of tarberry juice and an onion bhaji as they sat up in Rudy’s tiny bedroom.

  Rudy then pulled out his vision board, which was a large white piece of paper that had lots of writing and diagrams in big black writing. It said:

  MISSION IMPOSSIBLE . . .

  OUR TRIBE IS THE BEST

  LOCATION: SCHOOL GYMNASIUM – BLIND, DISABLED DOGS FUND-RAISER

  DATE: THIS SATURDAY

  MISSION IMPOSSIBLE – TO BE THE BEST TRIBAL FUND-RAISERS EVER!

  1. RAFFLE WITH BIG BIG PRIZE: RUDY TO MAKE TICKETS AND TREVOR TO PROVIDE PRIZE – SOMETHING FROM HIS GARAGE?

  2. GUESS THE WEIGHT OF CAKE: UGENIA TO PROVIDE CAKE.

  3. HEAD IN STOCKS: TREVOR HEAD ON A BLOCK. BRONTE TO PROVIDE BUCKET AND SPONGES.

  NB TRIBAL RULE – STICK TOGETHER AND BEAT ANY OTHER OPPOSITION NO MATTER WHAT.

  ‘Like it?’ asked Rudy.

  ‘Love it!’ said Ugenia.

  ‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Crazy Trevor.

  The next two days were much easier for Ugenia, as she now had her new tribe of friends to support her. Lara seemed a little less persistent with her horrible comments and, besides, everyone was busy preparing for the jumble-sale fete.

  However, on Friday afternoon, when the school bell rang, Ugenia threw on her luminous yellow rucksack and was just about to set off home when she heard a familiar sly voice. It was Lara Slater.

  ‘Well, there she is, the new girl, who’s actually found some weirdo friends. Actually that reminds me – you can go exactly as you are for the fancy-dress jumble-sale fete tomorrow. You’re such a freak, you’ll fit right in.’

  ‘Fancy dress? I didn’t know it was fancy dress,’ said Ugenia.

  Lara looked surprised. ‘Didn’t you? But it’s a tradition at this school – everyone who comes to the annual jumble-sale fete always wears fancy dress. Ah well, of course being the new girl you can’t know everything!’ Lara smiled sweetly.

  ‘Ooh, right, thanks,’ gu
lped Ugenia, quickly walking off, not wanting to show her enemy she was bothered.

  When Ugenia got home she tried to ring Rudy, Bronte and Trevor to find out what they were wearing, but she didn’t manage to speak to any of them as they were all out, busy preparing for their mission impossible – being the best tribe.

  Ugenia began to spiral with fear. I’m sick of being different! she thought as she hid behind the sofa with worry.

  ‘What are you doing hiding behind there, Ugenia?’ asked Granny Betty.

  ‘Gran, I just can’t face my life any longer,’ wailed Ugenia. ‘It’s not fair – I was making some progress, now I am gonna be the freaky new girl again without a fancy-dress costume.’

  ‘The only thing to fear is fear itself,’ said Granny Betty.

  I have no idea what that means, thought Ugenia, who got up from behind the sofa, but only because the radiator was digging into her back.

  ‘You know, Ugenia, playing small, hiding behind the sofa, doesn’t help anyone,’ explained Granny Betty. ‘You have to stand proud and just be exactly who you are, whatever that looks like. Ooh, by the way, your dad said to take a look at this headdress – he brought it back from the museum. Apparently it’s a replica of what the Egyptian queen Cleratoti wore when she finally dethroned Nefranunu.’

  Ugenia stared at the large black feathered headpiece with its golden snake finish . . . it looked powerful and enchanting. Suddenly, like a thunderbolt of lightning, Ugenia had a brainwave.

  ‘Ingenius!’ cried Ugenia. ‘The headpiece! It can be my fancy dress tomorrow when I finally overthrow that horrid Lara!’

  ‘Well, as long as you’re careful,’ said Granny Betty. ‘After all, it does belong to the museum.’

  ‘Sure, I’ll be careful, Gran,’ grinned Ugenia. ‘Besides, this is my one big chance to show Lara Slater that I’m not just some weird new girl that doesn’t fit in!’ she announced before stomping off to bed with a new gust of hope. Things were so different living in Boxmore. Trying to fit in with everyone at school was exhausting . . .

  The next morning Ugenia decided it was time to embrace the day, so she leaped out of bed with her biggest action-hero-Hunk-Roberts leap ever and did a super skydive roll across the carpet, straight to the bathroom. She put on her special queen headdress, gave herself an extra big toothpaste-advert smile in the mirror and brushed her teeth.

  It wasn’t long before it was time for Ugenia to go to the jumble-sale fete. By midday the school gymnasium was completely full of people bartering over the lucky dips and coconut shies and the vast array of bric-a-brac and clothes. Ugenia walked in, carrying a walnut and mincemeat cake for her fund-raising stall. The cake was as heavy as a brick, but she held her head high, proudly wearing her mother’s dressing gown and the museum’s special Egyptian-queen headdress. Ugenia felt very powerful.

  Suddenly the noise from all the chattering people stopped . . . there was a loud silence as the whole room stared at Ugenia.

  Ugenia grinned. They love my fantastic headdress. I have the best outfit on! she thought, then she heard a rip-roar of laughter and a chorus of giggles from Lara Slater and her friends.

  ‘Nice outfit, you freak new girl!’ laughed Lara.

  Ugenia looked around the room and realized no one else was wearing any fancy-dress costume at all. Ugenia could feel her face burning with embarrassment. ‘Injustice!’ she huffed, quickly walking straight to her stall, where Rudy, Bronte and Trevor were setting up. ‘Lara told me it was fancy dress!’ she cried.

  ‘Don’t worry, you look fabulous!’ said Rudy, taking the heavy cake from Ugenia and placing it perfectly in the centre of their stall, ready for people to guess its weight. ‘And we can show that Lara that we definitely have a better fund-raising tribe than hers.’

  At that moment, Lara came over, gave Bronte 10p and grabbed the cake to guess the weight. ‘What do I win if I guess it right?’

  ‘Duh, the cake of course!’ said Rudy.

  Lara began to swing the cake in the air. ‘Ooh, it’s pretty heavy, isn’t it? It weighs a ton!’ she said as suddenly she threw it up in the air and then watched it tumble to the ground . . .

  SPLAT!

  ‘Ooops! I’m so sorry – I guess it was just much heavier than I thought . . . silly me!’ said Lara, walking off proudly.

  ‘I don’t believe it . . . she is just awful,’ cried Rudy.

  ‘This means war!’ said Ugenia.

  ‘But we’ve still got the raffle and the stocks with wet sponges,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Bad news,’ said Ugenia. ‘It looks like Liberty and Lara have done a raffle too, with a great prize of a cuddly bear.’

  ‘So, Trevor, what did you get as the raffle prize?’ asked Rudy.

  ‘Er, I got half a tin of green paint from my dad’s garage,’ said Trevor. ‘He didn’t want it so he said I could have it!’

  ‘Half a tin of green paint!’ gasped Rudy, ‘That’s it?’

  ‘Yeah, good, innit? My dad says you only need one coat.’

  ‘Oh no, we’re never going to beat the opposition now,’ cried Ugenia.

  ‘We’ve still got the stocks with wet sponges to throw!’ said Rudy.

  ‘I’ve got some more bad news,’ said Bronte. ‘It looks like Max and Sebastian have their own stocks with wet sponges and cream pies to throw – and it’s doing very well.’

  ‘Rats!’ said Rudy. ‘It’s so hard to be different!’

  ‘Injustice!’ said Ugenia. ‘It looks like we’re not going to be able to be the best tribe after all.’

  Then, suddenly, just as they were about to start packing up their stall, Mrs Mervin Jones, the tweeded muffin school secretary, came over. ‘Oooh, Ugenia, what a lovely headdress. May I try it on?’

  Ugenia stared at Mrs Mervin Jones, who looked very excited. It was a bit like when Ugenia was travelling around the world and she would want to try out new things that were different from her everyday life. Suddenly, like a thunderbolt of lightning, Ugenia had a brainwave. Inspirational! she thought. The power of the headdress!

  ‘Sure, Mrs Mervin Jones, you can try it on for twenty pence,’ said Ugenia. ‘Then you’ll experience exactly what it feels like to be the queen of Egypt. What a bargain!’

  ‘How fantastic, Ugenia,’ said Mrs Mervin Jones, smiling proudly as she stood like a royal tweeded muffin in the Egyptian headdress. Suddenly there was a queue of people, all wanting to have a go and try it on.

  ‘This is great – we’re making a fortune for the blind, disabled dogs!’ said Rudy.

  Suddenly, all her classmates, except for Lara (who was scowling with envy), surrounded Ugenia, commenting on how marvellous and daring it was and how they were definitely the best tribe at fundraising.

  ‘How did you manage to do it?’ asked Billy.

  ‘How did you get to be so different?’ said Chantelle.

  ‘Well, the thing is . . .’ beamed Ugenia, suddenly feeling Lara’s eyes burning furiously into her, ‘it’s pretty easy to be different – especially when you’re the new girl!’

  It was Tuesday morning.

  Ugenia leaped out of bed with even more enthusiasm than usual. She couldn’t wait to get to school! This was because it was Valentine’s Day next week and Ugenia had been chosen to be the class Valentine’s Disco Coordinator, which made her feel very important.

  Maybe this year is going to be different, thought Ugenia, remembering how last year she didn’t get even one Valentine’s card from any secret admirers.

  Surely being Valentine’s Disco Coordinator would mean that this year she’d get heaps of cards through her letter box; or maybe even mountains.

  Although Ugenia was delighted to be the Valentine’s Disco Coordinator, she hadn’t quite worked out what the job involved.

  At morning break Ugenia recruited her best mates – Rudy, Crazy Trevor and Bronte – to help. Ugenia hadn’t known Bronte for very long, but she was becoming Ugenia’s NBF (new best friend). Bronte was one of the cleverest girls in the class. She wore squar
e black glasses, she always had her nose in a book and she was very well organized.

  ‘Why don’t we start with a theme?’ suggested Rudy.

  ‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Love it,’ said Ugenia.

  ‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Trevor.

  ‘I think the theme should be Under the Sea,’ suggested Rudy.

  ‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Love it,’ said Ugenia.

  ‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Trevor.

  ‘We could have pink and blue under-the-sea balloons and wear fancy dress,’ suggested Rudy.

  ‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Love it,’ said Ugenia.

  ‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Trevor. ‘Let’s make a humongous tub of fruit punch and have a massive mountain of onion, pepperoni and cheese crisps.’

  ‘Very nice,’ said Bronte.

  ‘Love it,’ said Ugenia.

  Rudy glared at Trevor.

  ‘Er . . . OK,’ mumbled Trevor apologetically, ‘forget about the crisps.’

  ‘As it’s a disco, Ugenia, will there be dancing?’ asked Bronte.

  ‘With girls?!’ exclaimed Crazy Trevor.

  Ugenia nodded.

  ‘Yuck!’ cried Trevor. ‘That’s disgusting!’

  ‘I’m a girl. Am I disgusting, Trevor?’ huffed Ugenia with her hands on her hips.

  ‘Er . . . no,’ replied Trevor, looking nervous.

  ‘That’s settled then,’ said Ugenia. ‘Boys and girls will dance together.’

  ‘Who would you like to dance with, Ugenia?’ asked Rudy.

  ‘Er . . . I don’t know,’ lied Ugenia, picturing Will Darcy, who she thought was as handsome as action hero Hunk Roberts and ever so dashing. The problem was – so did every other girl in the class, so Ugenia felt like she had no chance with Darcy and besides, he never even seemed to notice her.